JOURNEY TO THE UNDERWORLD
So I have been in Chiang Mai nearly six weeks now with the process of breaking down in order to break through, being the subject of this blog. My Facebook page tells me that many others have been experiencing the same dissolution process in their own lives and I wanted to write about what I see happening for me and many others. We are nearly twelve months on from the 2012 time gate and many like myself have experienced this year as the most powerful and life changing of any lived.
My year started with the challenge of being in a relationship with a 24 year old young man, whose spiritual evolution and soul connection to me were undeniable… but I was 51 and menopausal and I had major trouble accepting that this was appropriate. I had to move past more than a few of my own prejudices that said how could this gorgeous young man want to spend time with me? But I let him into my home, my heart and my yoni and allowed the sacred sexual and spiritual connection that was there to blossom. What it also showed me was that many Gen Y’s have arrived on the planet spiritually functional, lacking any great karmic debts to work through, and are prepared to challenge many of the older belief systems around maturity and having a spiritually activated body and sexuality. I had to break through a lot of self judgments to be with him but it was very healing and profoundly deep for both of us.
Then I had to let go of all my support systems and all the trappings of ‘normality’ that saw me part of the working populace, spending every day in an office, paying a mortgage, running a car and being a rat caught in the treadmill of that goddam wheel. I made a decision that I could no longer be that person; I was a priestess of the goddess, a sacred sexual practitioner and I had to walk my talk and trust that I could support myself by living my truth and believing that this is what spirit wants me to do, not slowly snuff out my flame working in a law office every day. And so I did that. I chucked it all in. Sold everything – the car and nearly all my possession and rented out my house to go travelling to southern California. And so the dissolution process of the physical occurred and with a nice little cash cushion in the bank off I went.
I connected with a priest of the goddess in California, a sex magician, and as many of you who have followed my other blogs will know, that saw me enter into various sexual liaisons. I was seeking to experience the ecstatic sexual rites that I know were practised in the ancient temples of goddess to validate all my masters research, all my past life knowing that this was indeed the way to merge physicality with divinity through sex. Now I know what that is about, and it is as real as it was portrayed and my inner knowing had told me. I did merge with goddess through continuous orgasms or more than an hour, two hours – after the kundalini Shakti is activated through kamasutra1prolonged sexual stimulation and release of oxytocin, the elevated energetic vibration is indeed divine, and goddess, divinity whatever name you want to use is available, and she spoke to me, and through me and changed my life profoundly. What didn’t live up to my expectations was the sacred context of these sexual engagements. These states were often achieved through ingestion of marijuana which I have no problem with as it opens gateways simply and easily and has been used as a shamanic tool forever to attain similar outcomes in the spiritual realm. What
I came to question and felt was missing in the equation of all this drug induced divinity, was the power of love or of sacred ritual wherein the appropriate honouring of the individuals as sacred representatives of goddess was given place. For me to engage in the same way in the future I understand that deeply connecting to one partner through the auspices of the heart vibration and surrendering to an experience of divine love connection is what will make this sacred and real. I see this as a sharing with the beloved within self and in partnership. My activated kundalini Shakti, as any woman (or man) who experiences this in their body will know, does not need to be partnered to another to experience the sacred or the divine. This energy is of itself a sacred current of energy connecting source to the physical and it is ecstatic. Full body orgasms are available through simply breathing awake the energy. Partnering with another of course is a conduit of this profound love shared.
“The divine power,
Like the stem of a young lotus;
Like a snake, coiled round upon herself, …
She holds her tail in her mouth
And lies resting
half asleep at the base of the body.”
~Yoga Kundalini – Upanishads ~
And so to my time here in Chiang Mai, northern Thailand. To cease travelling and stop in one place long enough to do something as mundane and ordinary as finish writing a book, is decidedly deceptive in its simplicity. Taking a little one bedroom home away from the madding crowds of tourist-infested central Chiang Mai, and settling into a Thai family home complex, has seen me subject to suburban Thailand and mummasan who wants to mother me. All good, but now I am alone to face a further dissolution of self, as who I am jostles with who I think I am in the stakes of re-emergence. Any person aware of their shadow self knows only too well that when deep and major changes are afoot, then the underworld beckons with its crooked and bony finger, calling you to take a dip into the dark abyss or even worse – drown.
It took me a while to realise I had been swimming in decidedly murky waters as I dealt with scathing accusations from a friend. I had to look deeply to see if what he said was true… and yes I will own my shadow behaviour and acknowledge there are parts of me that are not all sweetness and light. Being called on it was a gift, after I got past the denial and excuses stage. So, I am really like that. Hmmmm. Okay, I own it, next!
Treading water, moving on, writing, settling down, making progress. Bam! Because I am a bit further out of town with no transport I decide it’s time to give the push bike back and get myself a scooter. I’ve never really been a motorbike rider. Played on a trail bike as a kid, but been happy to just hang on the back of various boyfriends’ bikes and hope I never fell off. So with new scooter in hand I had no idea how sensitive the throttle is and immediately lose control and nearly wipe out the shop owner across the street. All okay, I get up and carry on. Riding on Chiang Mai roads is bedlam. Not as bad as in India granted, but there are no road rules here. Stop lights here are just a mere suggestion and there are perhaps as many motorbikes as cars, all hooning back and forth, trying to get in front of the next vehicle. Day 2 of my motor scooter experience saw me mismanage throttle acceleration with trying to steer around a car in a very narrow laneway, totally losing control and ending up on my arse with the scooter under a parked car. This time I hurt myself. Mind you the car I was trying to get around and who watched me hit the deck, just drove away. I’m told that is common practice here. Still, several other Thais came to my assistance and lifted the bike off me. I believe I was trying to hold back the scooter as it accelerated, thereby internally pulling all the muscles in my upper right arm and damaging my shoulder tendons. The other scrapes and cuts were minor by comparison. I managed to get home nursing my right arm and then went to ground. Thinking it was just bruised, the idea of a hospital was not too exciting so I held it close to my body saying “it will be alright Kerri, just be quiet and still”. The next day was much worse and for two more days I went nowhere and did nothing. Unable to sleep for the pain, it was soon thereafter I realised I was in the underworld. Not treading water now, I was way down deep, sucking scum from the bottom.
It is in those times when you are alone, no family or friends, in pain, away from your nice comfy bed and home, that you get depressed. And I did just that. Lots of tears about why is this happening to me. This all happened only two weeks ago, and you may well remember at that time there was two eclipses, a full moon, comet Ison and any number of other astrological influences happening. The energy was decidedly conflicted and heavy, plunging people all across the planet into process and introspection. My Facebook page was telling the story as literally hundreds of people commented on the deep changes and pain they were facing, or refusing to face as the case may be. On the occasional day I would wake and feel a shift of positivity breaking through and be as happy as any Aussie living in this most amazing of cities and not running the treadmill of work and taxes. Then the next day it would be on again – treading water, feeling the downward pull sucking at my feet.
So two weeks on and the bruising is fading, but not the pain and I still can’t lift my arm above shoulder height. I think this will take six months or more before it is truly healed. I have much more respect for scooter riding and now also more experience. I no longer snarl at my pretty little pink bike with pink helmet, but know my eternal wild woman has been shaken to her core and that maybe at 52, I can’t just do any and everything I want, and that maybe age does take its toll. Nah! That’s just the underworld talking. Course I can. It is the wild woman in me who got back on the bike instead of swearing off it; it is the wild woman in me who dares to thumb her nose at conventionality and no more savings, and trust that I am doing what I am meant to and know that I will be supported… somehow. And while I write my book and create a new visage of who I think I am, I know that there are many, many others out there who also have been struggling with the underworld and who also know that while it is a shitty and often painful place to spend extended periods of time, it is also the greatest transmuter of shadow that I know. When we emerge after a dark sojourn, we have been brave enough to look at ourselves and recognise and surrender that which no longer works and often times we also have no clue what the outcome will be. Trust is the only lifeline back out and knowing that by enduring we get to be reborn.
For those of you similarly journeying in the dark at this time – kudos to you sisters and brothers. Acknowledge your strengths to submit and surrender for the planet itself is also undergoing incredible change, as we see ourselves as a microcosm of the macrocosm known as mother GAIA. And while my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Goddess-of-Sacred-Sex/233405850027617 has now passed the phenomenal 130,000 fan mark I have only yesterday been banned for a month for posting an image of naked breasts (shock horror I know!) and therefore my ability to share my wares with the world has been severely restricted. So if you feel inclined to support me to feed myself while I holiday in the underworld, I post some links below to the various services and products I offer.
Thank you for reading and sharing the love. I send you my blessings and those of the goddess.
The topic of sacred sexuality is my active passion and as priestess of the goddess, I am called into service to be her vessel in the world. Not only is my body a conduit through which she is made manifest in the ritual act of sex, but as her oracle, her voice is spoken through me.
If you would like to ask the goddess about a topic that is related to your sexuality and you are seeking some advice, then she has asked that I make her available to connect with you in order that she may speak with you directly.
I would like to offer the posing of one question or a topic in order that the goddess may respond. I will provide a one page channelled written response from her to assist you in better understanding what is happening for you around this matter. Please provide me with your question and perhaps some explanatory information emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will provide a written response as soon as possible.
ASK THE GODDESS: SKYPE
If you would like to book a one hour skype session with me to discuss in more detail your current situation relating to relationships and sexuality and what remedies are available in relation to healing elements that are currently out of alignment then please make contact with at email@example.com where you provide your Skype address and a brief explanation of the issue you would like to discuss. We can then set up a mutually convenient time to connect, taking into account time zones etc.
See my blog on jade eggs for all the details: https://goddessofsacredsex.com/blog/
For those who are interested in the CRYSTAL CHAKRUBS, please note that stocks are well and truly out and won’t be back for sale until towards the end of December. The supplier is taking pre-orders of the White Lotus which is a white jade chakrub which is entirely new and absolutely stunning. There will be 100 available only and the price is $175 plus postage. So if this is something you have your heart set on, it would be good to place an order now for after Christmas. Stocks of the rose quarts and obsidian will also be available at that time. You can order them through my website on this link. https://goddessofsacredsex.com/store/